Reality Check

I feel like I've been doing a lot of sugary-sweet posts lately.

Well, my life is just so good right now.
My babies sleep through the night.
They're starting to play together.
Mark is becoming quite successful at his job.
The doula business is just about as busy as I want it to be.
Mark's hours are set at the office ... and though he often has random business meetings/community service/church service things to perform, he is usually home at a decent enough time at night to help me out a bit.  And he doesn't act annoyed to do it.
We are currently floating through our lives in California, trying to enjoy it, and not think too hard about where we'll be at the end of the year.
I'm waking up early to go running.
Mac is doing great in his little no-commitment, free preschool.
Belen is getting smarter by the minute, she loves me to pieces and is loving the men in her life more and more.

So yes, things are really good right now.

Of course ... that isn't to say I never have bad days.

There are days that me and the kids seem to wake up on the wrong side of the bed.  Days where Mac sticks his foot out and trips Belle every chance he gets.  Where a sword-fight with a friend goes wrong and Mac leaps on top of the little guy, pummeling him. (Thankfully with a padded toy. GOOD CRAP.)
There are days Belen shrieks and smacks the floor, walls, toys, people ... anything within her reach.  She sobs if Mac looks at her and hangs between my legs while I try to get dinner ready.
There are days that I can't seem to see anything but faults in my family and I dole out time-outs like they're candy.  The crappy kind.  Days that I can't seem to see past my frustrations to be an honest help to friends of my own.  There are days that end with me feeling mad, exhausted, and demeaned.
And some of those days I take it out on Mark -- who hasn't been around for one bit of it -- with my stony silence and icy glares.  (I do try to give a good glare every now and then.)

Sunglasses picture seemed like such a fun idea ...

These days are just part of life..  Though they are not one bit laughable at the time, they usually are after a few days.  Thankfully, they're often joke-worthy once my sweet babies are fast asleep, my home quiets down, and I tell Mark about my oober-exciting day.

They stretch me, make me more than I could ever be.  I know that.  I know that this full-time job of motherhood is doing more for me than anything else could.  I love it, I love it, I love it.

Some days I just have to remind myself of that.

Thanks, Pinterest.

So new days always come.  And these days, I usually tell myself:

Because happiness is, after all, a choice I can make independent of other people.